Midnight squeaking

Last night, since a coworker took me out to cheer me up and I got involved in talking to roommate when I got back, I didn’t really sit down to write until 11:45. But I did put down a few words–can’t recall how many, but a bare paragraph’s worth, maybe. Finished just before midnight.

Today, I’ve got… I’ve got directions in my head, I’ve had them all day, but getting them to come out right is torment. I’m just trying to get these directions on paper, however rough and poorly done. I’ve already written and then junked a scene, and written a new version.

I’m so close to the end, I think, but getting that end out is turning out to be far, far harder than I expected. Part of it is that the ending I’d always planned doesn’t completely fit any more. I don’t know if it’s that the ending I planned needs to be expanded, or needs to be changed completely, or is no longer the end but part of the journey to the end? I’m also noting lots of scenes that need to happen earlier to avoid so much info dumping at the end bits, but I’m not sure where I’ll fit those scenes in yet. And the motivations are still not solid on some really important thing. I believe them in my head but in the prose I’m not convinced, and that’s bad. And I’m teetering on OH GOD THIS IS NEVER GOING TO COME TOGETHER, IT’S UTTER SHITE, but I’m trying not to fall into that hole.

I’d actually love it if I could get the bloody ending hammered out this weekend, in terrible shitty form if need be, and then spend the rest of the month getting it to a shareable if not second draft state.

But we’ll see. I’ve been really bad about getting myself to do stuff and I’m very, very, very frustrated with myself. But that’s counterproductive, I know.

Anyway, slept for crap and have had a pretty terrible week otherwise, so I’m off to bed.

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